That word was thrown around a lot in my first year of medical school -- at least in the beginning. It's meant lesser by the day when I heard girls from my own class hold no more than two minutes of conversation with talk about me having an "attitude problem" for wanting time alone and such. It meant close to nothing when I had my first academic fall and all teachers had to say to me was, "loosen up, take a break," knowing full and well that my Type A-ness knows nothing about how to do something like that.
Honestly, it's been even harder since. My mother, a General Duty Trainer now at Beaconhouse, in a workshop on empathy she attended, made something quite important clear about empathy.
Empathy isn't built on knowing how someone feels, because seniors who know how you feel will still want you to go through the same hell they did. So will your teachers. Empathy however, is the act of putting yourself in someone's shoes and going from there. Not one teacher I have had has ever been able to do that for me.
I never understood how adults can get defensive over this. They know how bad the world has made them feel and they know you have to lose skin before it gets thicker. Then why is it that they don't know one word of comfort when it comes to someone else? There are exceptions, of course. People who go out of their way to know what to say and ask, "hey, I see this is really upsetting you, is there anything you want me to do?"
And the cycle of wanting people to go through their own hell never stops. But this is the age of change, isn't it? So how do we stop?
I told myself I would make it stop by not calling people crazy for feeling things the way I did and seeing every person as if it were the first time I were introduced to them, and not some version of someone I've always known. What does that mean? I try my best not to assume things about people. Not to judge.
Because being judgmental is a lazy life-choice. You have a pre-made set of stereotypes you cannot wait to start implementing and I hate to break it to you but everyone will surprise you, in beautiful, unimaginably horrible ways. So you take every person for who they are, as slowly as they emotionally undress. You try to be a better senior, a better teacher, a better older sibling.
It is a different choice to make for everyone. Maybe you are learning to care less like I am or in horrific need to learn how to care more and that is okay. We all have a place to start and we will all get there eventually. You answer the world's vitriol not by biting at it, but by finding something better to counter it with.
And mine is by adding no more to it.
I try not to be an asshole. And when you're ready to pass on your gifts?
Use Darth Vader. It works.
